Year Three

 Time moves in strange ways. I don't understand how it sometimes feels like days or weeks, while other times it feels like sluggish decades, since daddy died. 

There are good days and bad days. I thought this would for sure be one of the bad ones, but today was actually pretty decent. I picked up the copy of The Neverending Story the local bookstore ordered for me. I mentioned to my bestie a couple of weeks ago that I am eager to enter my Stevie Nicks phase of life by wearing lots of shawls...and this bitch mailed me a magnificent shawl that showed up today. Also I got to eat sushi. Everything is great.

And that is making me kinda sad. Like I didn't love my daddy enough to cry today, or something. Like I'm the worst daughter ever because I'm not sitting under the tree where I put his ashes - the ashes I had to fight to get my hands on because the step-monsters were hell bent on keeping them purely out of spite. 

But I think about it every day. The ache in my heart is there. I suspect it'll be there as long as I live. Proof of my love, and I don't need any yearly anniversary to be reminded of something I'm always aware of. 

One of my babies got married back in October, and included daddy's tarot deck as part of a shrine to our dearly departed during the wedding. I desperately wanted to keep this deck since I have so very little left of him, but handing it down to the next generation just felt right. 

The little I have of his is more important to me than anything the stepmonsters stole. I have his copy of Raymond Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft, which he gave to me. My altar is a table he carved himself, another thing he gave to me. His big statue of Baphomet, which is almost as old as I am, is sitting outside on my balcony, looking lovely next to my little outdoor sanctuary. His other Baphomet sits next to a picture of him, his own little shrine. Every day, I am bathed in the love and light of this world, none of which I'd know without him. 

Hail the Traveler, on this the third year of his journey to and through the Summerland. I miss you every day, but you are neither gone, nor forgotten. 

Love you, daddy. 💕