Animal Farm, But They're Just Idiots

I am surrounded by stupid and I'm here to tell you all about it. 

I ran into one of these recently. I wanna give details so so so fucking badly, but I run the risk of starting world war 3 so the following story is only BASED on real events. Names and details have been changed. Rebecca is a 30 something dude who pisses on toilet seats and walks away. Donkey is his wonderful little sidekick who gets super angry when you suggest Rebecca is a big boy who should maybe possibly clean up after himself when he piddles on the toilet seat because apparently, it's rude to ask him. 

Rebecca: OMG U GAIS! I GOT A COUPON FOR A PIZZA! YOU WANNA ORDER SOME PIZZA?

The Donkey: Oh wow, that's awesome because I'm actually really hungry right now! Hey, Nymphae, do you wanna go splitsies on a pizza?

Nymphae, the NotStupidOne: Gee, I don't know. What kind of piz-

Rebecca: OMG U GAIS! I ORDERED THE PIZZA WITHOUT WAITING 2 C WUT U WANTED! GIB ME MUNNIEZ!

The Donkey: Yay pizza!

Nymphae: ...

Rebecca: ONE $20 PIZZA SPLIT THREE WAYS...THAT'S ONE PLUS ONE PLUS ONE....YOU OWE ME $15 DOLL HAIRS!

The Donkey: Omg $15 is way less than $20 and this sounds like a good deal because I can't math!

Nymphae: Wait a minute, that's not right-

The Donkey: No, it's totally right because $17 is less than $20...

Nymphae: Hey, just a second ago it was $15.

Rebecca: OMG U GAIS! I 4GOT 2 GIB THEM THE COUPON! NOW THE PIZZA IS 2 MUCH AND EBYTING IS RUINT!

*unintelligible barnyard noises*

Nymphae: …

…

…

Nymphae: Jesus fucking Christ, give me the coupon and let me call them and see if we can fix this.

Nymphae: *fixes everything*

Nymphae: Okay, it'll be here in 30 minutes. $20 plus tip, we can go in $8 each and-

Rebecca: OMG U GAIS! WHAT ABOUT MAH COOOOUPON?!?

The Donkey: Yeah! What about the coupon?!?

Nymphae: Yessss, I used the coupon, and we're splitting it 3 ways so-

Rebecca: NO!!! OMG U GAIS I HAD A KEWPAWN!!

The Donkey: YEAH WHAT ABOUT THE Q-PUUUN?!?

Rebecca: I'M PAYING WITH THE QUE-PAN THAT'S MAH KOOPAHN Y R U STEELING FROM MEEEEE!

The Donkey: *unsuctioning face from Rebecca's dick like a plunger in a clogged toilet to turn and glare accusingly* omg I can't believe you're trying to steal from Rebecca!

Nymphae, the NotInsaneOne: …