It's 6 am, I've been up all night, there's a gigantic pile of laundry to my left, a cat at my feet, and the brutal summer is finally giving way to fall. Uhh, I like it like that....
Sooo, what have I been up to? Nobody asked, but I'm telling you anyway.
1. Dieting. Always dieting. Except this time, it actually seems to be working. See, I've discovered the secret to successful weightloss is actually starvation. No, I'm not kidding. I don't know if I have a fucked up metabolism or some other weirdo medical reason for why I can't lost weight, but nothing ever worked before. I used to go to the gym 5 days a week before covid - never lost a pound. Vegetarian/Vegan for 15 years. Got fatter. I counted calories, right down to the spices I use to cook. nothing. A relative once seriously suggested that I try meth, but eh. So yeah, I'm currently consuming between 500 - 1000 calories a day, usually hovering somewhere right around 700. I'll eat oatmeal for breakfast (200cal), an apple mid day (80cal), and then a sandwich or something for dinner with a handful of vitamins and supplements...all pleasure has vanished. But on the plus side, I'm down 11 pounds. Huzzah, bitches.
2. I've been painting a lot lately. I like thinking I'm good at it, even though I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. Wanna see? Of course you do.
What else? Oh, I got to cosplay a deer for tarot.
How stinking cute is that? I swear to god, once I'm skinny and better at applying ridiculous amounts of makeup and in therapy to deal with my crushing social anxiety, it's over for y'all bitches. <3
Speaking of tarot, omigerd I had this dude hit me up for a reading. Cool beans, whatever. Pulled his cards, had a phone chat with him, and I totally nailed his reading. We talked for a little while after, and he was kind of awkward but clearly needed to vent about things. cool cool cool, I am your girl if you need an ear. We yap about music for a bit, he talks about his family, we discuss tarot and religion and Aleister Crowley for some reason and a few things like that, and he seems like a pretty chill guy. He's also a musician, so that's always a plus.
So here I am, naïve little ol' me, thinking I'd maybe made a new friend. It's almost as if I've never learned that men are really just walking, talking penises whose only goal in life is to insert themselves into as many crevices as possible, because I swear to fuck as soon as the call was disconnected, he started messaging me.
Ain't that just peachy?
Also, has this EVER worked on any woman who isn't a porn bot or scammer? It would be one thing if any part of our conversation had been suggestive, flirty, or sexual. It was not, unless tarot gets you all hot and bothered. And it's not even like he eased into it or anything, no no no - he went straight for the asshole, no lube or nothin', which leads me to believe getting fucked in the ass by this guy in real life would be just as dry. What the fuck, man. What the fuck.
Pro tip: If you wanna put a dick in my butt, I need to be sufficiently seduced. This message is the equivalent of bending over ass out in the Circle K parking lot and waiting for some random passerby to give it a quick poke. Which is totally fine if you're into that, but that's a hard no from me, boy.
Anywhom, toodles, I'm going to bed.
Whew.
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