June fucking sucked. MawMaw died, And then Mikey died. You don't know who those people are and that's okay, just be aware that it fucking sucked. Hail the Traveler(s).
There was another, as well. Not nearly as heartbreaking - more a sign of the times. I'm talking about the death of Golden Flake cheese puffs. I swear to the gods, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I'm genuinely disappointed.
When I was a kid, I used to live next to this - barn thing? - they used to house Golden Flake potato chips and snacks. One of my fondest childhood dreams was breaking into it and pigging out on all the greasy goodness. Those chips were a proper southern tradition, kinda like how Coca Cola once was, only a little less known. Coke is global. Golden Flake was still our own wonderful little secret. Cheetos? Hell naw, that shit's for pansy little city dwellers. We like our cheese puffs greasy, airy, and crumbly as all fuck.
Apparently they were bought out by that Utz trash snack company back in 2016. I didn't know that, but I recently bought a bag of cheese puffs...and y'all. Y'all. I could have cried. They were stiff, dense, and itty bitty. They were like.....I don't know how to word this, like if sawdust had a one night stand with an old cheeto and left while cheeto was still sleeping, and when the cheeto woke up she cried on the dusty bits he left behind on the sheets. Then she combined those dusty cheeto tears and made a weird baby out of it. And it's 100% as gross as it sounds.
I'm not comparing this to the death of real people, but fucking hell if I'm not feeling some type of way about it. As if June hasn't already been mean enough, this is just one more pebble on the mountain of stones piling up. Most of us will never own our own home, unless we steal it from our stepfamily. A lot of people can't afford to have babies that they want, people are putting McDonald's on credit card payments, the price of ground beef is higher than minimum wage. I saw a compilation video of people opening up grab-bag size Doritos or Cheez-Its with 2 chips and some crumbs inside.
Everything is shit, but y'all keep buying it anyway. it's like you love getting ripped off and hurting people. You know Amazon is basically satan, but you're gonna spend at least $500 there this year because those new Nikes are sooooo comfortable! I mean sure, you've got 30 other pairs of shoes, but they're not made from the soft, luxurious fat of unbaptized babies like these new ones! You neeeeeeeed them!
Sorry if I'm feeling a little bit self righteous. I've been getting really friendly with my instant pot and pinto beans and rice. I'm not making 4 easy monthly payments of only $19.99 for a Big Mac. I've deleted Facebook, Instagram, and a bunch of other social media spysites. I've deleted nearly all of my stored cloud photos, because fuck data centers. I'm doing all I can to minimize my impact and not be a hypocrite, so it's a bit frustrating to watch others complain about the cost of things when they're the ones who keep throwing money at these things.
And now I'm super mega frustrated that in addition to all those things, I now have to give up Golden Flake cheese puffs because they fucking suck, too. We lost not just one, but TWO people this month, so I get a bag of junky salty trash food to make myself feel fractionally better about it, and I don't even get to enjoy it because everything is just awful, this is just another reminder. Thanks for ruining my childhood, Utz!
/EndRant
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