Assuming you read my last couple of posts, you'll know that I'm happily gearing up for #VanLife #YOLO #HashTag, more out of a sense of crushing money-not-havingness than anything else, even though I'm actually really looking forward to it. The idea of not spending $602,469,327 every month on rent, bills, bills, and more bills, and instead getting to do things like, idk, going to the dentist or on vacation is sending shivers down my spine.
Naturally, I've been spending a lot of time on YouTube, finding out the best ways to keep food fresh, storage tips, bathroom stuff, et cetera, but it's a lot more difficult than you'd think it would be. I can't relate to 90% of these people.
Just as an example, earlier tonight I was watching a Tiny Home video - you know the type, where they're living in one of those Home Depot sheds or something along those lines - it's not quite the same as van life but they actually share a lot in common given the space issues and need for efficiency. Anyhoot, I found one that seemed to be exactly what I was looking for, the title was something along the lines of "how we went from homeless to housed in only 3 weeks!" Score. It started off promising. It really did. They were living in an old beat up 70s style giant van that broke down, they were very sad because that was their whole entire existence....omg where were they gonna sleep? How were they gonna survive? Oh noooeeessss, So scary!
But then, they film themselves designing blueprints on one of their 3 (!!!) Mac devices. I looked up the price of a Mac Book Pro, and the cheapest I found was $1,500. They had 2 of those, and some giant desktop Mac I couldn't name but every one I looked up was still a minimum of $1,000. Now, I'm not saying poor people can't have nice things. It is entirely possible these were thrifted, gifted, or were purchased during a more bountiful period of their lives.
Totally possible, but obviously I wouldn't be here ranting if it had stopped there. No, this video was like a condensed version of days, weeks, or months' worth of work that involved lots of saws and drills and other shiny metal doohickeys that tend to cost a lot of money. Installing windows and doors, painting, lots of wood and glass and fabrics and such. Meanwhile, every 2 minutes there's a new clip of them exploring some new picturesque bookstore in a quaint little bicycle friendly town full of flowers and colonial ass aesthetics. Probably New Hampshire or Connecticut or some whack ass faerie tale land. Hubby is wearing thousands of dollars of tattoos and wifey is frolicking in some flowy cotton peasant dress and collecting wild berries in her foraging basket. Wut.
Now, I have questions. Like, y'all are homeless, supposedly. Where are you sleeping while all this work is happening? Where are you building this tiny cottage core house? I know those fruit trees and cucumber vines you planted did not start bearing fruit in the 3 weeks you said it took you to build this house. That garden dinner party at the end, the one that looked like something straight out of Alice in Wonderland and everyone was eating soup out of a tiny pumpkin with homemade scones and foraged berry cobbler....how much did THAT cost?
I'm not saying these people didn't work hard. I'm not saying they didn't have to budget around this build. I AM saying you're out of your mind if you think I'm gonna believe for one second that they're struggling. The millions of views on their videos and various sponsors they subtly sprinkle in say otherwise.
And honestly, I wouldn't even CARE, if not for the fact that they gotta cosplay as humble, salt-of-the-earth types who overcame incredible odds and obstacles to create their home. Bitch, you just spent $20k on a built in apothecary and koi pond. If I get everything I want on my wishlist, my van will setup cost me about $2,000 and will take me MONTHS to achieve, barring any emergencies. We are NOT the same.
But it makes for great television.
Here; have a badass Scottish folk song; your reward for making it this far. luh yew bai.
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