Chasing Coven

Okay, well....I'm over it. I'm so over it. So, so, so, sooo over it.

Have you ever tried to sell anything on Facebook? If so, you're probably familiar with the 500,000 "Is this still available?" messages that come flying at you out of nowhere, dinging your messenger all hours of the day and night, and when you try to respond to any of them, you get silence in response. (On an only slightly related note, I'm so glad I deleted that fucking app and all its other related apps.)

Anyhoot, I think I mentioned here that I'd added my area to the online coven finder, right? So far, the experience has been really similar to facebook marketplace. I've had several inquiries; most go nowhere after initial contact. It's really odd, actually, because the introductory email is usually fairly simple.

"Hello, my name is PersonFace. I found you on WebsiteName. I live in Area and have been practicing since SpecificDate. I've been looking for a coven and wonder if you can answer some questions for me."  

And I answer with the same sort of generic energy. Of course, I'm more than happy to answer your questions, here's some recommended but not mandatory reading material, let me know how I can help, blessed be, so on and so forth. I used to be much more enthusiastic about it, writing out these long, thoughtful, personalized emails that didn't actually seem to gain any more response than the generic does. 

So far:

• half never respond again
• the reply email reiterates wanting to ask questions but never actually asks any questions
• a handful make it as far as exchanging numbers, but fizzle out quickly

Now, I mean no disrespect when I say this, but to me it feels like a lot of these people are expecting something more glamourous...like I slip our business card in at the end of the email - something all black with a glowing rune or the eye of Sauron on it, giving a cryptic but yet also plainly stated secret location for our midnight mass where initiation takes place immediately but also this person remains a quiet outside observer. We begin by showing you everything we got. 

I could be very wrong about that, but it's almost like I can feel the sigh of disappointment in some of these emails when I reply with something completely benign and ordinary. All of the enthusiasm and unasked questions just seem to die. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it feels like a pretty predictable pattern. 

That's okay, though. I could be wrong, but even if I'm right, all it means is that the people who are only in it for the vibe or curiosity or passing interest sorta weed themselves out. 

Everyone wins. Yay. 

I Took a Ride on the Egg Cleanse Bandwagon

 You've seen it, I'm sure. I hear it's all the rage on TikTok but I don't use that creepy app, so I wouldn't know, but I see them fairly regularly on reddit and the comments are usually moaning and groaning about it.

So I decided to give it a whirl.
The short and sweet version, in case you are unaware - you take an egg, purify it in whatever way you see fit, and rub it all over your face and body. Then you crack it into a tall glass of room temperature water, wait about 10 minutes, and interpret its meaning. There are 500,930,213,444 cheat sheets available online, most of them copied nearly verbatim off each other, but if you want to be really obnoxious about it, you, too, can go on reddit, explain that you're a "baby witch" and beg someone to interpret it for you. They totally love that over there.

Sadly, I've chosen to do it by myself, and this is my result.

First things to note - my yolk is intact, the water is clean, there are no spots or discolorations or blemishes anywhere. There is some slight webbing in the egg white, and according to the cheat sheets that indicates some kind of negativity, but it's all very low lying. Below the yolk, not climbing up into the water. Nothing jagged, nothing sharp. also note that the webbing doesn't actually make contact with the yolk. 

There is a single, long strand toward the left, connecting a very large surface bubble to the egg white on the bottom. The cheat sheets suggest that bubbles are the result of the negativity being lifted away from you, and if that's the case, this seems like a lovely omen. It's like a UFO beaming up all the angry cows hanging around my feet. 

There's another, smaller bubble hovering over the yolk...it's not connected the way the other one is, but maybe it's like an eggy version of a guardian angel, watching from up high. 

Overall, not terribly eventful, but good things rarely are. I'd like to take comfort in the thought that whatever ick is being thunk in my direction is beneath me. 

Kbai. <3

The Herb Shop Lady Doesn't Like Me

 I swear, I've never done anything to her. I'm friendly with everyone else who works there, not like besties or anything, but we'll chitchat casually about our cats, some new product, blah blah blah. 

So, I'm in there today (or technically yesterday) looking for shampoo bars. I've been trying to reduce the amount of plastic waste I create by simply existing, and I feel like bathroom stock is my biggest contributor - shampoo, conditioner, lotions, body wash, and about 20,000 skincare products. Anyhoot, they have shampoo bars, but they're like $15 each. $15! WTF?!? How am I supposed to support my local economy when you're pricing me out of it? And it's not even my local economy, it's some corporate brand called Kitsch that'll eventually be bought out by Unilever or P&G or some other monster, like how Clorox bought out Burt's Bees and absolutely ruined it.

I decided I'll instead find bar shampoo on Etsy (small businesses do still exist there, as long as you can avoid all the AI and dropshipping slop) and wandered aimlessly into their small metaphysical/witchy section. I picked up a bell that looked nearly identical to one my dad owned and decided I wanted it, despite what I just said about dropshipping 2 seconds ago. I'm making small talk with one of the employees about it, and there's this other lady who works there with the most sour look on her face. She always looks sour when I'm in there, but RBF is totally a thing so I've never judged her for it. I've seen her be friendly with other customers, even though I've never really interacted with her, myself.  But it's nearing closing time, I'm the only customer left in the store and I'm ready to check out. Other employee and I are going off about bells and altars and what she wants to do with her altar, and RBF just like...stomps off. Yes, stomps. Like a toddler, even though she and other girlie had been chatting just fine 20 seconds before I walked up.

It just sorta clicked then. She doesn't have RBF, she just doesn't like me. That's kind of awesome, isn't it? I seriously love that for her. I'm not trying to be snarky or anything, I just think it's kinda cool that there's something about me that sets this woman off. 

She looks close to my age. Does she know me? Did we go to school together? Have we clashed in some way?  Did I accidentally flirt with her boyfriend once when we were 12 and she's been holding a burning grudge ever since? That's actually happened to me before*. Or maybe I got the leading role in the 5th grade production of West Side Story she wanted for herself and we've secretly been mortal enemies ever since.

It could also be that she just doesn't like me, with no real reason for it. Gods know I've run into people before who rub me the wrong way, like their voice grates on my nerves or some other minor, inconsequential thing like that. There are weirdos out that who chose to vote for Donald Trump because they thought Kamala Harris had an annoying laugh. It could be anything. It could be nothing. 

Life is wild. I love it.

*okay so there's this lady we'll call Elle who I went to high school with. I didn't know her, but in 8th grade I was casual friends with this boy named Jay. Jay had some kind of crush on me, but never asked me out or made a move so it was a non-issue. I only even knew because one of his guy friends told me. Jay and I never had any classes together so our interactions were strictly cafeteria based and after 8th grade I never spoke to him again.
Elle started dating Jay in 9th grade, and sought me out, followed me around, and it was weird. The first time she introduced herself to me, she was like "Hi, I'm Elle, didn't my boyfriend used to have a crush on you in 8th grade?"

Me: "I don't know, who's your boyfriend?"

Elle: "Jay Something."

Me: "Oh, yeah I know him but I haven't talked to him since we left middle school."

Elle: "Okay but didn't he used to have a crush on you?"

And every single fucking time I've seen her since then, that's how she introduces herself. "Hi, I'm Elle, remember me? My high school boyfriend used to have a crush on you."

She added MY ENTIRE FAMILY on facebook, she chased me down in the <business name> parking lot to catch up, followed me inside the business, then proceeded to tell the employees all about my updated info while we were there. We weren't friends online, but if I made a public post, she would copy it verbatim and post it herself. It was fucking weird. 

Everything is Happening All at Once and....

 I'm so overwhelmed. In a good way, I mean it's not like I'm complaining, but going from 0 to 100 in a matter of days has been...a lot.

I welcome the change of pace, though. With everything going on in the world right now, I've been kinda super mega anxious about all the worst things, so it's nice to have something NOT batshitcrazy happening right now. 

So, a few much needed updates:

Xmas came and went since I was last here.
The US government is literally murdering people.
I made a broom. Like, from scratch. Yeah, I know!
Alexis threw me a Twilight themed birthday. Ha. 
I quit facebook again. Seriously, fuck that place.
The Gh3yz got married. <3
I'm learning to play guitar. I'm not very good.
I painted my mother a lovely swan keepsake cigar box.
I got a most bombass Athame and a tea kettle. Huzzah.

And finally, Janie had her very last tea party at the meadery.  

And since I can't put 300 photos in here (well, I could, but who wants to deal with all that scrolling?) I just made a fancy collage to show you all the most important bits. 

I love you all. All 2 of you.

Cheers.

My Shitty Reading List: Twilight, Pt 2 - In Defense of Renee

 A couple of years ago, I wrote this little thing about all the things that male Twilight so awful and yet so fascinating. You can Click Here if you feel like reading it. I thought I was done with it, but nooooooo. 

I'm aggro'd by all of the Renee hate/Charlie love. I see so many stupid ass meme propping Bella's dad, while absolutely trashing her mom. I guess I sorta get it? How dare this woman allow her daughter to move in with an incompetent father, whom we worship. How dare she get remarried after 15+ years single. Yada yada yada, 

But here's my issue. Everything everyone accuses Renee of being, Charlie is that x1000. 
That whole parentification thing you're always accusing Renee of doing? Yeah, Bella's second night at her dad's house has her doing the grocery shopping, the cooking, AND all the cleaning as Charlie sits on his butt watching TV the whole time. And in one of the only instances we do see him attempt to cook, he manages to fuck up spaghetti by turning it into a single, solid noodle log. On the other hand, Bella describes her mother as an "imaginative" cook, and while not all of her experiments were edible, they seem to be fairly reliable. 

And while Charlie was spending a whopping 2 weeks a year with his daughter, dragging her out fishing against her will (which she describes in the books as "traumatic") Renee was spending the rest of the year taking her daughter on real vacations, putting her in extracurricular activities like ballet.

Oh, but Renee AbAnDoNeD her! The fuck she did. God forbid the child she raised single handedly spend a whole year, OF HER OWN VOLITION, under the roof of her deadbeat dad, who she doesn't even call dad! Her mother was very worried about Bella being stuck in that shithole town with no sun, and literally on the second page of the very first chapter she tells Bella "You can come home whenever you want - I'll come right back as soon as you need me."

Meanwhile, what's Charlie doing? Working late and going fishing for the entire weekend, allowing his daughter to hang out with literal vampires all willy nilly. He lives under the same damn roof but has no clue what she's doing or where she is, he shows up long enough to eat and watch TV. Meanwhile, his daughter's vampire boyfriend is sneaking in the window every single night to sleep in her bed while Charlie is snoring away in the next room.

Look, is Renee perfect? Not even. But the most problematic thing she's ever done is forgetting her clothes at the dry cleaners and occasionally cooking something that didn't work out. Oh, the horror. Who's there in Bella's hospital room when Bella wakes up after almost dying? Not Charlie. Who does Bella call her "best friend" throughout the entirety of Book 1? Not Charlie.  Who repeatedly tries to maintain contact with their kid despite the long distance? Not Charlie. And even when Renee does eventually back off, it's only at Bella's insistence.

I hate the idea that Charlie can do the BARE ASS MINIMUM for his own child, yet somehow he's a hero for....what, exactly? Letting her stay at his house? Graciously allowing her to cook and clean for him? Never once, throughout the entire series, doing one single thing that could be interpreted as quality time with his child?

The bar really is in hell, y'all. 

wPlace

 I've got news, but I don't feel like typing all of it out just yet. Touch and go, touch and go. 

BUT

I'll allow you to marvel at the big box o' pixel art I've been slowly piecing together over the last month, on the worldwide canvas.

Imposter Syndrome: Witchcraft Edition

Well, I did a scary thing, but before I get into those details, lemme give a little backstory.

 You might already be aware that my dad was wiccan when I was a kid. I grew up surrounded by it. He's the one who gave me his own ancient and well used copy of Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft. My first altar was a gift from him, something he carved himself. When he died 2 years ago, I was given the Baphomet statue he's had almost as long as I can remember, before my step-monsters had a chance to throw it away or pawn it or steal it, like they did with everything else he owns.

So yeah, Daddy was wiccan. He was into that not entirely child friendly version, though, old school Gardner style wicca where you get naked in the woods with your coven, so obviously I wasn't a participant. I became more generically pagan, with no real central belief or dogma...I like dirt and bugs and clean water and recycling. You know, proper hippie shit. 

Since he died, though, I've once again gone full Wicca. It just felt right, or maybe it's just my way of keeping him alive. "Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again" echos in my head like a joyous chorus. I see him in my dreams. He's still here, just not in a way I fully appreciate yet. I miss the sound of his voice, his big goofy laugh. 

The problem is, over the last 2 years, I've found no one who's serious about it. There used to be a handful of us who'd get together, but one got married, a couple moved, another was going through medical horrors, so on and so forth. Now there's just me. I'm sure others are out there, but practicing solitary or in very small groups or keeping it strictly online. I went to a very popular directory, and this entire area is empty, so unless you want to drive 2-3 hours away, there's nothing going on. 

And here is where the imposter syndrome kicks in - I created and was approved for a coven in the directory. I want this, I want this badly, but I feel like such a fraud. Like, someone's going to hit me up, expecting a group of aesthetic individuals doing instagram rituals in a dimly lit room, or perfectly timed drums and chants and movie-worthy forest clearings.....and instead, it's literally just me and maybe one or two stragglers if I'm lucky.

But I want it, anyway. 

Wish me luck.