Imposter Syndrome: Witchcraft Edition

Well, I did a scary thing, but before I get into those details, lemme give a little backstory.

 You might already be aware that my dad was wiccan when I was a kid. I grew up surrounded by it. He's the one who gave me his own ancient and well used copy of Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft. My first altar was a gift from him, something he carved himself. When he died 2 years ago, I was given the Baphomet statue he's had almost as long as I can remember, before my step-monsters had a chance to throw it away or pawn it or steal it, like they did with everything else he owns.

So yeah, Daddy was wiccan. He was into that not entirely child friendly version, though, old school Gardner style wicca where you get naked in the woods with your coven, so obviously I wasn't a participant. I became more generically pagan, with no real central belief or dogma...I like dirt and bugs and clean water and recycling. You know, proper hippie shit. 

Since he died, though, I've once again gone full Wicca. It just felt right, or maybe it's just my way of keeping him alive. "Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again" echos in my head like a joyous chorus. I see him in my dreams. He's still here, just not in a way I fully appreciate yet. I miss the sound of his voice, his big goofy laugh. 

The problem is, over the last 2 years, I've found no one who's serious about it. I'm sure they're out there, but practicing solitary or in very small groups or selling spirituality on TikTok. I went to a very popular directory, and this entire area is empty, so unless you want to drive 2-3 hours away, there's nothing going on. 

And here is where the imposter syndrome kicks in - I created and was approved for a coven in the directory. I want this, I want this badly, but I feel like such a fraud. Like, someone's going to hit me up, expecting a group of aesthetic individuals doing instagram rituals in a dimly lit room, or perfectly timed drums and chants and movie-worthy forest clearings.....and instead, it's literally just me and maybe one or two stragglers if I'm lucky.

But I want it, anyway. 

Wish me luck.