★ Tarot Tuesday: #001 ★

I've been racking my brain to come up with things to write about here. I've been so inhibited lately, trying not to rock this sinking boat, trying not to take up too much space. Speaking your mind is a big no-no when louder, more obnoxious people take your very existence, personality, and/or opinions as an affront to their position of power.

Others are quick to tell you to get out of the situation. Abusive spouse? Leave! Shitty Boss? Find another job! Terrible roommates? Move out! Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Because life is just that simple for everyone, all the time.

My heart has been heavy for a long time. I've been pushed to the edge of a cliff and there is no where left to go. Do I resist and stand my ground, all 3 inches of it, with the hope of maybe one day reclaiming a little more ground for myself, or do I fall? Falling hurts, but it's far less exhausting than the daily struggle for old territory, and I'd be free to seek new ground. And it's not like I've laid claim to the moon, or Mount Everest - maybe the fall won't be so painful.

Let's see what the Starchild deck has to say about it.

Oh. Oh, yuck. Okay.

Well, that's nice. (O_o) Let's dive into this mess.

The past position hits me right in the face with the Five of Cups. I suppose this is the deck's way of telling me that I've been so focused on losing this hill that I've failed to notice the mountains, or maybe the pleasant little meadows or islands or whole entire planets, around me. Isn't that pretty much what I just said, up above? That doesn't take away from the fact that this IS MY HILL, barren little insignificant thing that it is, and I am allowed to grieve my loss.

The present is...eww. Ewwww. But it's not unexpected, either. The Seven of Swords often indicates dishonesty or betrayal. It could mean that I may need to take shortcuts to get what I want, but I suspect it's more likely that the last 3 inches of my hill are being stolen right out from under my feet.

But look, there's a light at the end of this tunnel! The Queen of Swords in the future position is someone who is not burdened by her emotional trauma, but has channeled it, learned from it, and built herself up from it. Her mountain is one built from her own experiences, keeping her grounded and logical while allowing her to see all around with perfect vision, unobstructed. 

So there's hope, at least. I may not get to keep my little hill, but there are mountains of my own making in the future. 

That is my interpretation, at least.