My Shitty Reading List: Twilight, Pt 2 - In Defense of Renee

 A couple of years ago, I wrote this little thing about all the things that male Twilight so awful and yet so fascinating. You can Click Here if you feel like reading it. I thought I was done with it, but nooooooo. 

I'm aggro'd by all of the Renee hate/Charlie love. I see so many stupid ass meme propping Bella's dad, while absolutely trashing her mom. I guess I sorta get it? How dare this woman allow her daughter to move in with an incompetent father, whom we worship. How dare she get remarried after 15+ years single. Yada yada yada, 

But here's my issue. Everything everyone accuses Renee of being, Charlie is that x1000. 
That whole parentification thing you're always accusing Renee of doing? Yeah, Bella's second night at her dad's house has her doing the grocery shopping, the cooking, AND all the cleaning as Charlie sits on his butt watching TV the whole time. And in one of the only instances we do see him attempt to cook, he manages to fuck up spaghetti by turning it into a single, solid noodle log. On the other hand, Bella describes her mother as an "imaginative" cook, and while not all of her experiments were edible, they seem to be fairly reliable. 

And while Charlie was spending a whopping 2 weeks a year with his daughter, dragging her out fishing against her will (which she describes in the books as "traumatic") Renee was spending the rest of the year taking her daughter on real vacations, putting her in extracurricular activities like ballet.

Oh, but Renee AbAnDoNeD her! The fuck she did. God forbid the child she raised single handedly spend a whole year, OF HER OWN VOLITION, under the roof of her deadbeat dad, who she doesn't even call dad! Her mother was very worried about Bella being stuck in that shithole town with no sun, and literally on the second page of the very first chapter she tells Bella "You can come home whenever you want - I'll come right back as soon as you need me."

Meanwhile, what's Charlie doing? Working late and going fishing for the entire weekend, allowing his daughter to hang out with literal vampires all willy nilly. He lives under the same damn roof but has no clue what she's doing or where she is, he shows up long enough to eat and watch TV. Meanwhile, his daughter's vampire boyfriend is sneaking in the window every single night to sleep in her bed while Charlie is snoring away in the next room.

Look, is Renee perfect? Not even. But the most problematic thing she's ever done is forgetting her clothes at the dry cleaners and occasionally cooking something that didn't work out. Oh, the horror. Who's there in Bella's hospital room when Bella wakes up after almost dying? Not Charlie. Who does Bella call her "best friend" throughout the entirety of Book 1? Not Charlie.  Who repeatedly tries to maintain contact with their kid despite the long distance? Not Charlie. And even when Renee does eventually back off, it's only at Bella's insistence.

I hate the idea that Charlie can do the BARE ASS MINIMUM for his own child, yet somehow he's a hero for....what, exactly? Letting her stay at his house? Graciously allowing her to cook and clean for him? Never once, throughout the entire series, doing one single thing that could be interpreted as quality time with his child?

The bar really is in hell, y'all. 

wPlace

 I've got news, but I don't feel like typing all of it out just yet. Touch and go, touch and go. 

BUT

I'll allow you to marvel at the big box o' pixel art I've been slowly piecing together over the last month, on the worldwide canvas.

Imposter Syndrome: Witchcraft Edition

Well, I did a scary thing, but before I get into those details, lemme give a little backstory.

 You might already be aware that my dad was wiccan when I was a kid. I grew up surrounded by it. He's the one who gave me his own ancient and well used copy of Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft. My first altar was a gift from him, something he carved himself. When he died 2 years ago, I was given the Baphomet statue he's had almost as long as I can remember, before my step-monsters had a chance to throw it away or pawn it or steal it, like they did with everything else he owns.

So yeah, Daddy was wiccan. He was into that not entirely child friendly version, though, old school Gardner style wicca where you get naked in the woods with your coven, so obviously I wasn't a participant. I became more generically pagan, with no real central belief or dogma...I like dirt and bugs and clean water and recycling. You know, proper hippie shit. 

Since he died, though, I've once again gone full Wicca. It just felt right, or maybe it's just my way of keeping him alive. "Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again" echos in my head like a joyous chorus. I see him in my dreams. He's still here, just not in a way I fully appreciate yet. I miss the sound of his voice, his big goofy laugh. 

The problem is, over the last 2 years, I've found no one who's serious about it. I'm sure they're out there, but practicing solitary or in very small groups or selling spirituality on TikTok. I went to a very popular directory, and this entire area is empty, so unless you want to drive 2-3 hours away, there's nothing going on. 

And here is where the imposter syndrome kicks in - I created and was approved for a coven in the directory. I want this, I want this badly, but I feel like such a fraud. Like, someone's going to hit me up, expecting a group of aesthetic individuals doing instagram rituals in a dimly lit room, or perfectly timed drums and chants and movie-worthy forest clearings.....and instead, it's literally just me and maybe one or two stragglers if I'm lucky.

But I want it, anyway. 

Wish me luck.