So Many Things

I want to rant about so many things today.

I want to bitch about the guy who offered to buy dinner but was a little short on cash so I sent him a little extra to cover it, but it turned out he had enough...just not enough for dinner plus beer. He already had beer, but he wanted more beer. He paid me back plus some the very next day, but it just seemed like an asshole thing to do.

I want to tell you about the person who complained about me being on my phone, who promptly went to use the bathroom and stayed in there for an hour on their phone. They don't know it, but I only recently started using my phone regularly around them (answering texts, mostly) because they literally spend HOURS at a time with their face buried in it. We had plans to go swimming that kept getting put off until "tomorrow" (it's been over a month now) because they're constantly scrolling facebook or Instagram. 

I wanna rage about the asshole I know who, for some reason, keeps their "nostalgic" childhood exes on social media, but gets mad at their partner when some unsavory character  messages the partner the exact type of shit they're sending other people, demanding partner delete or block everyone else as a show of respect for them. 

I want to go off about all of these things, but honestly, I'm kind of tired of it. I'm not sure what it is about me that attracts these types of people...like, am I the common factor here? or is the world really just that full of awful people? 

I think part of the problem is that I don't really have an outlet for it. Most people gossip. I used to think that it was catty, but I'm starting to see it a little differently now. If your best friend is sleeping with a married guy, why the fuck wouldn't you want to talk about it? If your co-workers think they're being sneaky by disappearing to go make out in the stock room and think everyone around is too stupid to notice, the whole office should be eye-rolling together and snickering about it behind their backs. Nothing malicious, of course, just basic ass socialization.

I had a shitty, abusive boyfriend who used to tell me how "trashy" I was for talking to people about what he did to me. Spending rent money on drugs is totally normal, cheating is okay, and leaving hand shaped bruises is perfectly fine...but I made him look bad and gave him massive trust issues because I couldn't keep my stupid, big mouth shut.

There's balance to be had here, somewhere. Obviously if my best friend comes to me with an "omg I'm pregnant! I'm not ready to tell anyone else yet but I wanted you to be the first to know!" type of situation, of course I'm not going to go running my mouth. That kind of secret is an honor and a privilege,  not a burden like so many of the other things listed here.

I use this blog to vent mostly, about all the icky crap I hold only for the sake of peace and privacy, but I think I'm starting to realize I don't owe these people shit. If you want to actively be a dick, I'm under no obligation to  help you maintain your nasty little charade.

To end things nicely, here's a photo of my cat being sleepy and cute.

Slow Motion for me

It's 6 am, I've been up all night, there's a gigantic pile of laundry to my left, a cat at my feet, and the brutal summer is finally giving way to fall. Uhh, I like it like that....

Sooo, what have I been up to? Nobody asked, but I'm telling you anyway.

1. Dieting. Always dieting. Except this time, it actually seems to be working. See, I've discovered the secret to successful weightloss is actually starvation. No, I'm not kidding. I don't know if I have a fucked up metabolism or some other weirdo medical reason for why I can't lost weight, but nothing ever worked before. I used to go to the gym 5 days a week before covid - never lost a pound. Vegetarian/Vegan for 15 years. Got fatter. I counted calories, right down to the spices I use to cook. nothing. A relative once seriously suggested that I try meth, but eh. So yeah, I'm currently consuming between 500 - 1000 calories a day, usually hovering somewhere right around 700. I'll eat oatmeal for breakfast (200cal), an apple mid day (80cal), and then a sandwich or something for dinner with a handful of vitamins and supplements...all pleasure has vanished. But on the plus side, I'm down 11 pounds. Huzzah, bitches.

2. I've been painting a lot lately. I like thinking I'm good at it, even though I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. Wanna see? Of course you do.

What else? Oh, I got to cosplay a deer for tarot.

How stinking cute is that? I swear to god, once I'm skinny and better at applying ridiculous amounts of makeup and in therapy to deal with my crushing social anxiety, it's over for y'all bitches. <3

Speaking of tarot, omigerd I had this dude hit me up for a reading. Cool beans, whatever. Pulled his cards, had a phone chat with him, and I totally nailed his reading. We talked for a little while after, and he was kind of awkward but clearly needed to vent about things. cool cool cool, I am your girl if you need an ear. We yap about music for a bit, he talks about his family, we discuss tarot and religion and Aleister Crowley for some reason and a few things like that, and he seems like a pretty chill guy. He's also a musician, so that's always a plus. 

So here I am, naïve little ol' me, thinking I'd maybe made a new friend. It's almost as if I've never learned that men are really just walking, talking penises whose only goal in life is to insert themselves into as many crevices as possible, because I swear to fuck as soon as the call was disconnected, he started messaging me.

Ain't that just peachy? 

Also, has this EVER worked on any woman who isn't a porn bot or scammer? It would be one thing if any part of our conversation had been suggestive, flirty, or sexual. It was not, unless tarot gets you all hot and bothered. And it's not even like he eased into it or anything, no no no - he went straight for the asshole, no lube or nothin', which leads me to believe getting fucked in the ass by this guy in real life would be just as dry. What the fuck, man. What the fuck. 

Pro tip: If you wanna put a dick in my butt, I need to be sufficiently seduced. This message is the equivalent of bending over ass out in the Circle K parking lot and waiting for some random passerby to give it a quick poke. Which is totally fine if you're into that, but that's a hard no from me, boy.

Anywhom, toodles, I'm going to bed.

Whew.